This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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