You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
