**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
accomplished twins. life is a go
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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