3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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