I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
