Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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