just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
