How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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