Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What drink are we having for lunch?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
