I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
