Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
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