if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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