do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
