Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
