In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
