I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
