That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
