you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
