he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
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I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
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I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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