before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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