I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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