"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
