it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
