I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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