Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize