I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
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We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
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He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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