Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
