yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Randomize
