Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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