and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
