the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
