Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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