i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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