I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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