what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
