Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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