I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
this hospital has no fireball
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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