u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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