I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
