Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
