This girl is more easily done than said...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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