I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
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