i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize