Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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