But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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