o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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