I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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