You're my little dorito
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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