If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
