i just google imaged poop.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
