i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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