dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
