I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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