You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
