I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
