I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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