I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
