I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
