dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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