Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
