you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
