You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
