I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
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Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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