I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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