after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
