i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If I die, sorry about rent.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
