Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
