That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
