Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
