All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
