he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
