my vag is so smooth its legendary
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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