You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
