I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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