I think I won the penis lottery.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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