you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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