i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
