You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
